Lesson To Me

Oh Hello !

I'm back.

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The Year of 2018 thought me a lot.

Thought me to be strong.
Thought me to lose someone.
Thought me to move on.
Thought me the meaning of life.

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I moved back to Jakarta exactly a week after the new year of 2018.
I break up with Sansan exactly a week before the new year 2018.

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Being unemployed and single were my things at that moment. I did not speak about it *my unemployment status of course* to my parents so I just have three days in Jakarta and packed again as they thought I leave for Malaysia but instead, I went to Bali.

I rent a small cheap room for a month. My plan was to stay in Bali, low key, just to think about what I want to do for my life. Most of the time, I find myself looking into the beach without touching its water. Typical me.

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Being alone and away from my normal routine felt so good !! I felt like I passed so many changes throughout the years. I was born into a fortunate family background & I thank for that. But sometimes, when you haven't touched the ground for so long, you tend to forget to walk.

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The Year of 2019,

The new chapter for me.
Two months to the year 2020.

Where have I been ?
Hiding ? Yes still hiding under a nutshell, stronger than ever.

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Then, I met him. A combination of Pascal & Sansan.
He is a nice local guy.
Thick black hair, small eyes yet wide vision, nice smell, cute smile, highly discreet, smart and hard worker.

I met him in front of his condo while I walk passed by asking for a lighter.

He made my life up and down.
& he was gone before our 5th date.

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I met another guy, a Japanese.
Straight, I guess.
Nice, handsome and clever.

I met him regularly during my smoke break in front of our office building. I just got to know him after a year and when I know him, he was about to go back to his home country in April next year.

Oh God, why do I need to make my life complicated than ever ?  Why do I have to have a crush on a straight guy ? WHY ?!